They call me the Maytag Man.

It's been a long time since I last posted something to my blog. There are many good reasons for this. For one, my connection to the outside world was being held hostage for a while by an evil little company called France Telecom that, bitter about losing customers to Free.fr (who happens to offer the wicked deal of unlimited high speed internet + 200 stations for 29.99 Euros/month), refused to press the button that released my phone line to the competition for a whole 2 weeks.

Another reason is that, AGADS!, I have been doing school work. Those of you who aren't going to school in Europe this semester may not have very much sympathy for me - since you probably have to do work on a regular basis, but for me, and I suspect most other Euro exchangers, work is a rather amorphous thing that teachers talk about, but in reality isn't required that frequently. So, when I realized that I had to actually produce something for classes, I went into a tizzy, a real breakdown.

Would you believe that I had to have group meetings (4) and go to class regularly (4x week for two weeks + one weekend class!!), and, I had to produce a PowerPoint presentation - AND present it !! Can you see?? Can you see how my brain was stressed, my nights filled with angst and worry? It was really almost more than I could take...

But fear not my friends, the worst is over. I have officially completed 50%+ of the work that I have to complete for this exchange. Whew! Good thing I have a two week break coming!

Before I tell you more about the title of this blog, I have good news: Philippe has a job!! Yes, poverty is a thing of the past, we are high rollers and loving it, Monaco here we come... well, not quite, but it is definitely nice to have little extra cash rolling in so that we can stop thinking about the stinking exchange rate, and so that we can go to Geneva to see the car show (WHEEEEEEE!) and, well, stop being cheap.

You read that right Matt. I am going to stop being cheap.

For proof, you can simply take today as an example. Today is the perfect illustration of my non-cheapness. You see, rather than buying just one adjustable wrench at the hardware store, I bought one adjustable wrench and one pair of pliers. Sure, the pliers were in a discount bin that was completely disorganized, dirty and unappealing. Sure, the plastic case was broken and it looked like there might have been some rust on the handle. But, the pliers were only 5 Euros!! How could you refuse a deal like that?

You must wondering WHY I needed to buy pliers and an adjustable wrench.

You probably think that it is to pry open the doors on the vintage rail cars that the SNCF uses for the 11:15 express train from Paris to Chartres (which stops at one of my transfers). The cars are so old that the doors have stopped working (no more pneumatic pressure I think - maybe a hole in a pipe?), so each day passengers have to use all their might to open the doors on the train. Sometimes older passengers cannot wield the force necessary, and the young have to help. Who says Parisians aren't helpful??

No, it isn't for the SNCF, but for the washing machine instead. I suppose you are owed an introduction to my washing machine: The washing machine in my apartment is the brand "Candy." For those of you who aren't in the know, Candy is made by Hoover.

You see, company execs thought that Hoover was a ridiculous brand name for a washing machine - "clearly people will mistake them for vacuums and wonder why they are so big and heavy," is what the boardroom conversation must have been.

As they suits pondered the dilemma, one broke the silence excitedly...

I know! lets call it 'Candy'!" I heard that same executive wanted to name his daughter Vegetable and his son Pasta, but the government wouldn't let him.

(Before someone corrects me, I do not really know the origins of the name Candy - it could have been a very well known brand name before Hoover bought it - if it was in France first, perhaps nobody realized how silly it would sound when they took it into an English market - but, now that there is a Candy washing machine in my kitchen, I WILL LAUGH).

So, this candy washing machine (yes, notice how much funnier it is when it is not capitalized?) is great! It washes and dries, heats the water etc. etc. The only problem with it is that it is broken....

When we moved in, the landlord told us that it didn't work. He said that he had someone in to fix it, and that the fixit guy said that parts weren't available. Being the stubborn, disbelieving person that I am, I tried to use it anyway..... Has anyone ever noticed how use and sue have the same letters?

Well, it worked! It washed about 5 loads of laundry without a problem. It squeaked like a mouse in a cheese store, but it washed the cloths well enough... until we washed a blanket.

Then, well, it just stopped spinning. The motor was working, but it was unable to turn the machine. Then it started smoking. Then I unplugged it.

So, the landlord was technically correct. The machine was broken.

Being resourceful, I put the machine to the drain cycle to get the water out, took out the soaking wet (still dirty) cloths, and thought about the prognosis.

Since I am not cheap, I found the price of 3.90 Euros at the laundromat entirely reasonable. I thought - yessssssss, 5$ for a small load of laundry?!?! What a deal!

So, I went online. The landlord was not correct that parts were unavailable. After making extensive use of Google translator to find parts on a German site (apparently, Candy isn't a ridiculous name there), I realized that there was also a site in France. MUCH easier. I paid 19 Euros for a new belt, and hoped for the best.

3 days later, my belt arrived, and I realized that I had no tools to open the washing machine. Hence my trip to the hardware store. Here I also have to add: since the washing machine was made by Hoover, it was made in the US or to specs from those countries, therefore, all of the bolts are in Imperial measures. Unlike in Canada, where metric and Imperial co-exist happily at every Canadian Tire, the French frown upon the American penchant for fractions. Finding a 3/8" or 5/32" wrench is about as likely as finding an igloo in Nice. So I bought an adjustable wrench (which is bad for tight spaces - if you are wondering why that might be a problem).

So, I came home this morning with my shiny new wrenches and opened the back of the machine. And that was all I had to do! The belt was right there - fraying faster than the evidence of WMD in Iraq before a Senate sub-committee. I replaced it and IT WORKS!!

So, even though I don't have a job - and even though it seems like DHL has ignored my application like every other consulting company. At least I can fall back on washing machine repair when I graduate.

Scratch that - it has started to make a bad new noise. Don't worry - I'll let you know what happens.