They call me the Maytag Man.

It's been a long time since I last posted something to my blog. There are many good reasons for this. For one, my connection to the outside world was being held hostage for a while by an evil little company called France Telecom that, bitter about losing customers to Free.fr (who happens to offer the wicked deal of unlimited high speed internet + 200 stations for 29.99 Euros/month), refused to press the button that released my phone line to the competition for a whole 2 weeks.

Another reason is that, AGADS!, I have been doing school work. Those of you who aren't going to school in Europe this semester may not have very much sympathy for me - since you probably have to do work on a regular basis, but for me, and I suspect most other Euro exchangers, work is a rather amorphous thing that teachers talk about, but in reality isn't required that frequently. So, when I realized that I had to actually produce something for classes, I went into a tizzy, a real breakdown.

Would you believe that I had to have group meetings (4) and go to class regularly (4x week for two weeks + one weekend class!!), and, I had to produce a PowerPoint presentation - AND present it !! Can you see?? Can you see how my brain was stressed, my nights filled with angst and worry? It was really almost more than I could take...

But fear not my friends, the worst is over. I have officially completed 50%+ of the work that I have to complete for this exchange. Whew! Good thing I have a two week break coming!

Before I tell you more about the title of this blog, I have good news: Philippe has a job!! Yes, poverty is a thing of the past, we are high rollers and loving it, Monaco here we come... well, not quite, but it is definitely nice to have little extra cash rolling in so that we can stop thinking about the stinking exchange rate, and so that we can go to Geneva to see the car show (WHEEEEEEE!) and, well, stop being cheap.

You read that right Matt. I am going to stop being cheap.

For proof, you can simply take today as an example. Today is the perfect illustration of my non-cheapness. You see, rather than buying just one adjustable wrench at the hardware store, I bought one adjustable wrench and one pair of pliers. Sure, the pliers were in a discount bin that was completely disorganized, dirty and unappealing. Sure, the plastic case was broken and it looked like there might have been some rust on the handle. But, the pliers were only 5 Euros!! How could you refuse a deal like that?

You must wondering WHY I needed to buy pliers and an adjustable wrench.

You probably think that it is to pry open the doors on the vintage rail cars that the SNCF uses for the 11:15 express train from Paris to Chartres (which stops at one of my transfers). The cars are so old that the doors have stopped working (no more pneumatic pressure I think - maybe a hole in a pipe?), so each day passengers have to use all their might to open the doors on the train. Sometimes older passengers cannot wield the force necessary, and the young have to help. Who says Parisians aren't helpful??

No, it isn't for the SNCF, but for the washing machine instead. I suppose you are owed an introduction to my washing machine: The washing machine in my apartment is the brand "Candy." For those of you who aren't in the know, Candy is made by Hoover.

You see, company execs thought that Hoover was a ridiculous brand name for a washing machine - "clearly people will mistake them for vacuums and wonder why they are so big and heavy," is what the boardroom conversation must have been.

As they suits pondered the dilemma, one broke the silence excitedly...

I know! lets call it 'Candy'!" I heard that same executive wanted to name his daughter Vegetable and his son Pasta, but the government wouldn't let him.

(Before someone corrects me, I do not really know the origins of the name Candy - it could have been a very well known brand name before Hoover bought it - if it was in France first, perhaps nobody realized how silly it would sound when they took it into an English market - but, now that there is a Candy washing machine in my kitchen, I WILL LAUGH).

So, this candy washing machine (yes, notice how much funnier it is when it is not capitalized?) is great! It washes and dries, heats the water etc. etc. The only problem with it is that it is broken....

When we moved in, the landlord told us that it didn't work. He said that he had someone in to fix it, and that the fixit guy said that parts weren't available. Being the stubborn, disbelieving person that I am, I tried to use it anyway..... Has anyone ever noticed how use and sue have the same letters?

Well, it worked! It washed about 5 loads of laundry without a problem. It squeaked like a mouse in a cheese store, but it washed the cloths well enough... until we washed a blanket.

Then, well, it just stopped spinning. The motor was working, but it was unable to turn the machine. Then it started smoking. Then I unplugged it.

So, the landlord was technically correct. The machine was broken.

Being resourceful, I put the machine to the drain cycle to get the water out, took out the soaking wet (still dirty) cloths, and thought about the prognosis.

Since I am not cheap, I found the price of 3.90 Euros at the laundromat entirely reasonable. I thought - yessssssss, 5$ for a small load of laundry?!?! What a deal!

So, I went online. The landlord was not correct that parts were unavailable. After making extensive use of Google translator to find parts on a German site (apparently, Candy isn't a ridiculous name there), I realized that there was also a site in France. MUCH easier. I paid 19 Euros for a new belt, and hoped for the best.

3 days later, my belt arrived, and I realized that I had no tools to open the washing machine. Hence my trip to the hardware store. Here I also have to add: since the washing machine was made by Hoover, it was made in the US or to specs from those countries, therefore, all of the bolts are in Imperial measures. Unlike in Canada, where metric and Imperial co-exist happily at every Canadian Tire, the French frown upon the American penchant for fractions. Finding a 3/8" or 5/32" wrench is about as likely as finding an igloo in Nice. So I bought an adjustable wrench (which is bad for tight spaces - if you are wondering why that might be a problem).

So, I came home this morning with my shiny new wrenches and opened the back of the machine. And that was all I had to do! The belt was right there - fraying faster than the evidence of WMD in Iraq before a Senate sub-committee. I replaced it and IT WORKS!!

So, even though I don't have a job - and even though it seems like DHL has ignored my application like every other consulting company. At least I can fall back on washing machine repair when I graduate.

Scratch that - it has started to make a bad new noise. Don't worry - I'll let you know what happens.

Week 1: Trains and Wireless Internet

This is the story of many firsts. This is my first blog, my first trip to Europe, and my first week in Paris.

Before you get to the good stuff, to the salacious details of my first week in France, I need to make a confession to you. I need to share with you a detail of my French experience that most people don't know, a detail that I have concealed for fear of being ridiculed and shunned from the high-class world of MBAdom; I am homeless.

That's right, I am a no-good, couch surfing, sans-abri. While I continued to shower and use deodorant, and I have yet to actually be forced to sleep ON the streets, I am sure you can appreciate that my primary concern since arriving here has been to undo this sorry state of affairs and find Philippe and myself an apartment. Consequently, we have been looking for apartments day and night. Well, sort of. You see, there was a hitch in our plan, a hitch that some might say was predictable, but we didn't see it coming at all.

No, my friend, we did not realize that France has been slow to dust the silicon off of its cigarette packs and wine bottles, slow to uncoil the copper wires that supply the electrical current to the vast network of commuter trains and metros. No, we did not realize that France has not yet become addicted to free wireless Internet, and the dearth of this precious resource posed a serious problem to our apartment hunt.

OK. I admit, I am not being fair. Technically, WiFi IS available. Technically, at Montparnasse Train Station, a station that greets thousands of commuters from the southern suburbs and the South of France every day, for example, WiFi IS available. But, technically, it is available at the reasonable price of 3 Euros for 15min of WiFi access.

The mathematically inclined reader has already realized that this works out to a rate of 12 Euros/hour! If you purchase the ever so excessive 1 hour of access, the cost declines to the reasonable rate of 8 Euros... let me remind you that on Via Rail, one can have 24 hrs of access on a MOVING train, for the price of CAD 9.

Those of you who intend to come to Europe on graduation please take note: I suggest setting up a wireless network - there is money to be made!!

So shocked and appalled but this obvious attempt by France Telecom to continue its nefarious monopolistic pricing practices and exploit petit moi, I immediately went to the Bibliotheque Nationale de la France to use the Internet in a public facility. The BNF is an impressive complex with 3 15-story towers and two massive reading areas. (Incidentally, the complex is designed by the architect that Philippe wishes to work for). In order to access the library, you must buy a card, so I paid my 18 Euros for an annual membership (I thought, at the time, that 18 Euros for the year was a great deal, given the cost of Internet elsewhere). I gained access to the beautifully appointed reading rooms, sat down, and plugged in my computer...

Et voila! Nothing. NO INTERNET. NONE.

You read me right my friend, the largest library in France does not have WiFi. Not even one zone. (I am sure that there are some that are thinking to themselves "but why oh why would one not check before buying an annual subscription?? Well, I ass-u-med that the Internet was the defacto standard at libraries by now - and you know what they say about ass-u-me...)

"Oh but wait," you say. You say, "but, there must be a place that uses wired Internet? There must be a station where you can use the archaic but effective method of copper wires to gain access to the information super highway, the source of thousands of online databases, journals and intelligently written blogs?" Well my dear reader, in France, must is a dangerous word to use. Even though there MUST be Internet access, there is none.

I am sure that even readers less astute than you who read my blog have realised the implication of this obscene lack of technological advancement.... I paid 18 Euros for BOOKS!!!

I think that by now, many of you must be thinking that I will remain homeless forever! That, since my connection to the world is so tenuous and costly, I will be moving into a homeless shelter tomorrow...

Luckily, this is not the case. Philippe's Sister-In-Law's Aunt, Regine, who works for the Québec Government in Paris, put us in contact with a very fine older gentleman who has agreed to rent his apartment to us. He has agreed to forgo many of the rather strenuous requirements for rentals in France, and is allowing us to stay without a large deposit and is offering a very reasonable price. So, as of Monday, I should be the proud owner of a French lease, an address, and a pull out bed that is perfect for guests, should they decide to come.

By now, you must be getting a bit tired of my ramblings on Internet access and rentals, so I will conclude with a few words on the extensive, complex and not entirely fast train network in Paris. For those of you not familiar with the Ile de France region, I should explain: HEC is located in Jouy en Josas. Jouy en Josas is located 20km south-south-west of Paris.

In order to get to Jouy-en-Josas train station, I have to take at least two trains, and a Tram (the HEC campus, in case you are of the mistaken opinion that it is close to the train, is a 10 minute walk up a (rather large) hill).

The process takes 1h30 at most, 1h at best and the train system is complex. In fact, in addition to having lines A-E, RER trains come in two lengths (pay attention that you are at the right end of the station), stop at a variety of stops (distinguished by the name of the train - VICK, CIME, etc. etc. - VERY clear ways of letting us know where the train is going), and have relatively early last trains (23:30 is the last train from HEC); to be concise, HEC is VERY far from Paris.

But, since I have only been here for a week, I can't say for sure if it is really going to be problematic.

What I can say is that Paris is beautiful, ancient, crowded, diverse, and, of course, NOT wireless ready.